Head, Heart, and Body
by Alley Cat Sunflower
Summary: Zuko, Mai, Jin, and Katara reminisce about the loves in their lives. There will be Maiko, Jinko, ONE-SIDED Zutara that's safe for Kataangers, Mai-Jian, Kataang, mild Harutara, and mild Jetara. Disclaimer: I do NOT own Avatar!
1. Zuko: The Three who Took Everything

I only came really close to losing my mind three times over the course of my life so far, and that's a miracle in and of itself.

The first time was when my own father scarred my face for life when I was only just over thirteen years old. The second was when I was split between what I had yearned for since that time and what I knew deep inside to be right. And the third was when my heart was torn in more pieces than I would have liked.

Let me set things straight here. First of all, you should know I'm twenty-five—my birthday was early last April, to use your word for the fourth month. I haven't lived long enough to have a vast amount of wisdom at my disposal, and I know full well I'll never be as wise as my Uncle Iroh. But I know what it's like to have your head decide on one girl, your heart decide on another, and your body want someone off-limits.

I'll go back to the first relationship I ever had. When I was a kid, there was this upper-class girl you probably know of called Mai. She had an extremely obvious crush on me, which I did my best to ignore, but it was a little hard to do when Azula tricked me into landing on top of her in the fountain. If I were older, it would have been considerably more embarrassing, but at age ten, all it did was confirm my belief that girls were insane.

I was right about Azula, but not about Mai or even Ty Lee. In the next couple years, Mai and I got closer and closer until finally I believed myself to like her like that too. I use that wording for reasons I'll explain later. Anyway, we took a very childish vow that was pretty much a marriage ceremony (with Ty Lee as our witness), with no thoughts as to how hormones would affect us in our teenage years since such things are beyond childhood's range of experience.

When I was banished, she came to the docks to say goodbye to me. Even then, I could tell it would be a very long time before I saw her again. I still remember our parting conversation—don't think it's for sentimental reasons; it's mainly because it's so easy to memorize:

"So, you're leaving." She leaned up against a crate at the harbor, looking as disinterested and detached as usual. It made me worried she didn't care about me, but I've since learned that no matter the situation, that's always how she appears. Her complete disdain for everything is just one of the many half-captivating, half-frustrating things about her.

"Yes," was my only reply before I added, "It's not exactly a choice."

"I know."

There was a long silence before she suddenly rushed forward and kissed me, and before I could reciprocate or even comprehend what had just happened, I was being hustled onto the boat and we were setting sail.

So you can see, it was a very turbulent time for me. I'd just had my first kiss with a girl I probably wouldn't see for several years, at an age where things like that matter way, way more than they should. At first, my loneliness was all-consuming, but I quickly forced my mind away from Mai to focus on what it would take to get back with her, as well as to my bastard of a father: capturing the Avatar.

When I look back on my world travels while I was searching for Aang, it disgusts me to recall how I felt. It feels almost as though I was asleep through the entire thing, thoughts controlled by some being of pure evil. In a way, that was true. I had been completely fooled by my father and my own selfish desire for my so-called 'honor'.

My instincts were right: I didn't see her again for almost exactly three years. After that point, I didn't even know what we were to each other. One moment we were perfectly happy with each other—if happy is a word you use to describe two socially inept people who hate the world more than is healthy—and the next, one of us would find some trivial flaw in the other and we would explode over it. Our relationship had to have been declared over at least twice before I was made Fire Lord, and more than that after.

(I will devote exactly one paragraph to Suki. She was never truly anything to me, but just after Mai had officially broken up with me yet again when I was eighteen, she came to me to apologize for having followed me and from there telling Mai where I had gone. I should have been angry, but I think I was more angry at myself. When she offered her hand to me because she was worried, I could see that it was more than concern she offered, so I took advantage of the opportunity. Maybe I was proving to myself I was still worth something; maybe I was proving to myself that I could live without Mai. I was right in both cases, but I went about procuring evidence for both in entirely the wrong way.)

The way Mai and I interacted after our eighteenth birthdays was, in the truest sense of the phrase, a love-hate relationship. We would make passionate love the entire night and yell at one another from dawn till dusk the next day, until finally, when I was twenty-two, she told me she was pregnant—but the way she said it sounded like an excuse for how she had been acting towards me.

I responded by saying she had damn well better be my wife because there was _no way _my reputation could afford an illegitimate child. An engagement is supposed to be a happy transition into another phase of a healthy relationship; ours was more like a last-minute decision based on weighing the nation's needs versus our own and having the former win. Mai was immediately crowned Fire Lady, a fact about which I was never truly pleased—and I could tell she wasn't, either. Our lives were already falling apart, and we were barely into our twenties.

But this is to be expected when two twelve-year-olds take a solemn vow always to stay with one another. It doesn't allow for them to evolve into something better than they were. Mai and I became drastically different people. She closed herself off, and I opened myself up. However stable our relationship seemed to be to the nation, we two and every servant who lived with us in the palace knew the truth: we were staying together for the reputation of the royal family, and nothing more.

You'll never believe the next part. I discovered Mai cheating on me one day, a couple years ago; let it never be said I have no intuition when it comes to who Mai does and does not like. That pretty boy from Ember Island, Ruon-Jian, came back to steal her again.

I hated that bastard's guts, and he hated mine, but I never thought he'd do something as directly cruel as take my wife away from me. But when I discovered it, I was shocked and angry at myself that I didn't really care. All that mattered to me at this point was the kingdom's reputation, not Mai's love, and the transformation killed me.

In case you're wondering, or if you're worried, we're friends now. Mai and I get along all right now that we're not trying to involve each other in our romantic shenanigans anymore. She has Ruon-Jian, and I… Well, I have someone else. I hope.

A little while after my sixteenth birthday, when Uncle Iroh and I moved to Ba Sing Se and got our jobs at the Pao Family Tea House, there was a girl there that asked me out despite only knowing me for a couple weeks. Iroh essentially forced me to accept her offer of a date, and I resented the world for turning me against Mai when I needed her most. This Jin girl couldn't even compare… right?

Our date was awkward, to say the least. She was so naïve, so open-hearted, so genuinely friendly, that it completely disarmed me and held my arm against my back for good measure. When she as good as dragged me to the fountain in the center of Ba Sing Se, I found that I could barely stand to have her so disappointed, and I risked everyone discovering my true identity by lighting the lanterns for her with my Firebending.

Her wonder and excitement was well worth the risk, let me tell you. To see those green eyes light up in delight almost took my breath away, to use the cheesy yet accurate phrase. I was so scared, though, more scared than you might realize, as these newfound feelings challenged my relationship with Mai directly.

I could see in her eyes that she wanted to kiss me, so I held up a coupon to defend myself. I was so used to being able to take any enemy with Firebending, or dual dao swords, or throwing knives, or even just using my hands and feet. But Jin was the one opponent I found impossible to simply stand up to, let alone challenge. I was completely in her power.

She accepted the coupon—what else could she do?—before telling me to close my eyes. I knew exactly what was coming, and my heart was in my throat as her lips met mine. I felt myself swept away in the moment, and I let myself kiss her back before I literally forced myself away from her and started away.

"What's wrong?"

"It's complicated. I have to go."

I never explained to her, a fact for which I am eternally sorry. She stopped coming to the tea shop, and then Iroh and I started our own: the Jasmine Dragon in the Middle Ring. I buried my feelings under layer upon layer of remorse, and turned my thoughts instead to Mai, applying all the new emotions I had felt coursing through me during Jin's kiss to our own relationship. I made myself believe it could work. I fooled myself into thinking I still loved her.

I encountered her once more, during a date between myself and Mai. Fortunately, we didn't look like a couple when Jin found us, or I would have wounded her even more deeply. She _sounded_ happy enough to see me, which made me more relieved than I should have felt, but she did almost kill me with an icicle. (That was Mai's fault, however. See, another reason why the relationship wouldn't have worked was the girl was always trying to murder me one way or another.)

Even before I discovered Mai cheating, I found my thoughts drifting more and more often towards Jin and how she was doing. I hadn't seen her for years, and to tell the truth, what little I remembered of her was her radiant personality and a few select aspects of her appearance. I wouldn't have bothered trying to see her, though, if I hadn't caught Mai cheating—in other words, if I hadn't needed my uncle's advice, and if crushing loneliness (combined with the need for more physical satisfaction) hadn't forced me away from home.

During all that turmoil, there was always a nagging, dangerous, much more physical feeling in the back of my mind for one final girl: Katara of the Southern Water Tribe. The girl was an enigma. Since I first met her, I was stunned by her power, which intrigued me to no end; it actually took me almost a full month of pursuing her before I realized my fascination with her was borderline lustful.

Cut me some slack, okay? I was about sixteen. If you're a sixteen-year-old boy and you don't think of that occasionally, there is something wrong with you.

It hurt me more than you know when she was the only one of Aang's gang that didn't trust me after everything I did for them all. I knew she was only applying the blame and the misery she felt at her mother's death to my own person, but that didn't dull the blows she gave me. When she insulted me, she hit to hurt, not just to tease.

And _damn_, did it sting whenever she brought up all my past mistakes.

The month or so I spent with the Avatar wiped clean every thought I had of Jin or even Mai—whenever I was with Katara, at least. She was capable of such caring action and such wounding speech, sometimes in the same movement. I was completely taken in by her nature, her words, even her appearance.

Scratch that. Actually, it was_ especially_ the appearance. Whoever you are, male or female, straight or otherwise, you cannot deny that the girl has some curves. She flowed instead of walked, like the Waterbender she was, and just looking at her doing everyday activities left me speechless if I wasn't careful.

It ached a little that she was off-limits, but there was no way I was going to make Aang go all Avatar-state on me like he would if he caught me with his girl. His feelings were clearer than a blazing fire against the night sky. Hers were a little more like the smoke rising from it: mysterious and implacable, occasionally clearly visible, more often shut off from everyone.

The scene in the crystal catacombs in the play on Ember Island nearly stopped my heart. When the actress-Katara had confessed that she had feelings for actor-Zuko, I recalled Toph saying earlier that up on stage was the truth. It was a faint, wild hope that pulsed into my cheeks and turned them redder than I would have liked, and I very narrowly avoided the urge to do something exceptionally stupid.

I was _not _going to complicate matters either for myself or for her. The most I could do was content myself with looking. (No, I'm not a peeping Tom, although I won't pretend I didn't consider it, what with our being in tents and all half the time).

Besides her looks and personality, the fact that she managed to best Azula (even if I was basically dying and it was all her fault) scored her some major points with me. A powerful girl is the best kind of girl. The one flaw I spotted with Jin was that she couldn't fight—although I shouldn't talk, because the only time I ever saw her do something even remotely related to fighting was when she almost killed me with that icicle. (Again, Mai's fault, not hers.)

I didn't see Katara for a year, while the Harmony Restoration Movement was being initiated. When we saw one another again, she and Aang were in an official relationship, which completely wrecked any chance I had of getting with her.

Fortunately, I noticed that I didn't want her. I had Mai back then, before we really started falling apart. And, at the time, Mai was enough for me, even though Katara had a certain kind of shape to her that Mai would always lack.

Looking back on it, I'm sure that if I had somehow managed to get the Waterbender drunk enough, I'd have been able to act on some of my weird teenage instincts, but it wouldn't have helped her trust me more—and it definitely wouldn't have gotten me any credit with Aang. It was better the way it was: secret, fleeting, and unrequited.

**((So was it horrible? I wrote this randomly at two in the morning since it's summer and I can afford to do that now, so I apologize if it wasn't my best work. I might continue it now that I'm fully awake, but since I'm still trying to write, the updates could be… less frequent than perhaps you would like. Review if you want!))**


	2. Mai: Easily Read

There was only one man in my life until I went to a party at Ember Island.

It almost scared me how Zuko was able to pin down my feelings so accurately. I made a point of hiding them all my life simply because my mother never let me express myself (thanks a lot for telling everyone, Azula).

I suppose I'll start at the beginning. When I was very young, perhaps six, Azula went to school with me. For some reason, she took a liking to me; I suspect it was mainly because of my already developing knife-throwing skills. We and Ty Lee started hanging out more and more until finally, when I was about nine, she started inviting us to the royal palace almost every day.

My feelings used to be a lot more easily read. In fact, part of the reason I shut myself off from everyone later was because Azula and Ty Lee forced Zuko and I into a very uncomfortable situation involving a flaming apple and a fountain.

Zuko was the one, of course, in terms of crushes. I never thought I'd be susceptible to falling in true love at such an early age… and I was right. It all came to nothing in the end, and I bore him two children simply to keep the Fire Nation royal family alive. But that's really another story.

It took a couple years before he was brave enough to tell me he felt the same way, although according to Azula, he liked me long before he said so. I'm not about to believe her, though. She probably just wanted me to confess my undying love and end up in another awkward situation.

I was heartbroken when I found out Zuko had been burned. Of course he was still handsome—however little I love him that way now, I will fiercely defend his looks forever—but the burn on his face was nothing compared to how I felt when I learned he had to leave. I had just finished the 'marriage' orchestrated by Ty Lee; as far as I was concerned, I'd be the future Fire Lady.

However much I liked Zuko at that time, the position of Fire Lady intrigued me as well, which is why I made such an effort to get back on his good side when Azula was finally defeated. Just before Zuko's ship left, I granted him my lips for a moment: he was the (undeserving) recipient of my first kiss, which is saying something since I don't grant kisses lightly.

The entire time he was gone, I consoled myself by imagining our lives as Fire Lord and Lady, and the Avatar's speedy downfall. When three years passed and I was about fifteen, I finally saw him again, when Azula set us up on a date. I was worried, but, like every other feeling, I had little problem hiding it. _How have things changed between us now that we haven't seen each other in so long? _I kept wondering.

Fortunately, everything went as though we had seen each other only a week before. He had become rather more handsome—cut off his ridiculous ponytail and started growing a full head of hair. Other than that, he was still my little socially inept boyfriend. But then there was this girl that showed up as we walked around Ba Sing Se together.

She looked, to my critical eye, like a street ragamuffin. I suppose she could be considered pretty, if you like messy hair and weird clothes. I could tell that she and Zuko knew each other from the way he looked at her, even before they spoke.

The girl called him Lee; Zuko didn't bother correcting her and introduced me as 'his friend from the circus'. The fact that he didn't call me his girlfriend alerted me to the possible romantic connection between them, but I played along all the same.

Just in case he had been with some other girl, however briefly, I offered Jin the chance to throw an icicle at a fish on Zuko's head (a very comical situation; if I ever laughed, I would have laughed at him), just like I had done a second before. She almost killed him, but I knew he would get out of the way, and get out of the way he did… right into the fountain. I did kiss him that night, though, partially to reclaim the territory I was so paranoid about losing (at the time).

We shared the next week without any strife, but when Zuko's father sent us to Ember Island on a forced vacation, he became so abrupt and snippy with me I pretty much broke up with him. After three years, you'd think a relationship on hold would be rocky because of what had happened in the space of time we hadn't seen each other—it ended up being how he acted afterwards that angered me. If this was the new Zuko, I wanted the old one.

It was on that trip that I discovered that he was not the one. I was fully aware that our relationship would probably have its ups and downs, but the fact that the downs were so intense made me think (correctly) that I should find someone else.

One of the most obnoxious-looking boys I'd ever met, Ruon-Jian, took a marked interest in me on the evening of his friend Chan's party. I was invited; Zuko was not. When Azula demanded that she and her brother be asked to come as well, I knew that meant trouble, because Zuko asked me what I thought of Ruon-Jian.

Honestly? I kind of liked him. He wasn't overly loud or rude, like Chan. He cared a lot about appearance, but he also tried to please me, in the few moments of conversation we had before Zuko ruined everything. But of course, I told Zuko I had no opinion.

He had my feelings pinned, though. If I say I hate something, he knows I'm indifferent to it. And if I say I don't care about something, he knows I like it. I should have known better than to use that vernacular, since all it did was cause him to blow up on me.

My liking for Ruon-Jian didn't change my willingness to destroy Chan's house, but that wasn't because of him. I sincerely hoped he realized that as I put my mind and my knives to breaking everything I possibly could.

Though I was back with Zuko, when I found the note in my bedroom about how he had gone to join the Avatar, I broke up with him _again. _Ruon-Jian's calm coolness was beginning to look really, really good. Because Zuko had never been great at expressing any feelings but rage, his note to me seemed extremely selfish, and I was still under the illusion of the Fire Nation's greatness.

I went to see him in the Boiling Rock, and his apology seemed sincere enough. I still wasn't inclined to trust him, though, especially since he locked me in a cell for awhile to keep me from following and murdering him.

But I betrayed Azula for his sake anyway. As much as I was annoyed by Zuko at the time, I knew I would start loving him again soon. Additionally, I wasn't prepared to watch him perish in boiling hot water. As sexy as I imagined his scream to be… I didn't want to hear it when he was dying.

I was thrown in prison for my standing up for Zuko. While there, I weighed my chances with various boys I knew. For some reason, Ruon-Jian had really taken a hold on me. I think he was almost a symbol for defying Zuko's iron will, and that seemed very attractive to me. Zuko, meanwhile, seemed a perfect mess: too angry, too indecisive, too controlling.

But I kept myself attached with the thoughts of all the sweet things he had ever done for me, however few and far between those were, and of my future position as Fire Lady. Those were enough to keep all thoughts of Ruon-Jian subdued, especially when he showed me such a warm welcome when he became Fire Lord.

I ordered him never to break up with me again both to ensure my romantic stability and to ensure my powerful position. But of course, I should have known it would never last. We had been together since we were twelve, separated by too many different experiences and misunderstandings for us to stay that way.

After awhile, I found that I was pregnant, and I was finally made Fire Lady—but I found that being the co-ruler of the Fire Nation was unutterably tedious and that it also meant I had to live with Zuko forever. There is no divorce when you are a central member of the royal family; it looks disgraceful.

So I had personally damned myself to an eternal hell. By trying to make things work romantically, we were unraveling faster and faster until I was extremely close to just losing it. After I became pregnant a second time, I wandered around Ember Island to try and escape from my problems, and I found Ruon-Jian again.

Evidently, he still thought me attractive as well, but expressed regret that I was married. I responded that I may have been married, but my heart was still free, and I felt stirrings I had never felt before: something more than physical desire. I had never truly loved Zuko. Liked him, yes, but there were far too many problems for us to stay together. He was too angry and I too reserved. Ruon-Jian understood reservedness. Zuko didn't.

Ruon-Jian and I spent the night together. It wasn't as wild as it could have been, considering the fact that I had to return to the mainland the next day, and also that I had another child on the way. But it was something, and I knew it.

I had to be careful not to go to Ember Island to see him too often, though, or Zuko would suspect something. But as usual, I completely underestimated my husband's suspiciousness of me and everyone else for that matter. By the time I was twenty-four, he knew. He never said anything, but he knew, and I knew it.

We two stopped sleeping with one another, but I could tell he resented that. I had someone else; he didn't. Even with two children, which should have reunited us, there was a rift that could never be closed. But my ending was happy. I had someone else, regardless of his loneliness. I would be pleased even if he weren't.

And really, now that we aren't trying too hard with each other anymore, we're friends.

**((Mai is not my favorite, so I'm sorry if this wasn't super duper in character. I was going to do all the chapters from Zuko's point of view, but then decided against it. I pretty much told his entire story in the first chapter.))**


	3. Jin: Still Wondering

Everyone seems to have these elaborate tales of love and how they've had boyfriends or girlfriends or what have you, and how they weren't right for them and they found someone else and found their true love at long last. I don't have anything like that. I've been single all my life, but that's because of my impossibly high standards.

Before you can know about my love life, you'll have to learn about my childhood.

I was born in the Earth Kingdom, in a tiny farming village. My father loved me with all his heart and soul. He concealed the War from me all my life, believing it to be for the best. As a result, I was a happy child, wandering around outside, pretending I was an Earthbender.

The Fire Nation raided my town when I was ten. I remember playing in the forest, pretending to shift a rock, when suddenly the rock shifted on its own. For a second, I thought I was an actual Earthbender, and my joy was limitless, but then I realized it had vibrated because of something else.

Tanks burst through the trees, fire trailing from the backs, burning my precious forest. I panicked and ran like there was no tomorrow, which for me could well have been true. I tried to warn everyone, but I was so scared and out of breath I could barely talk. Then the tanks emerged from the forest and everyone ran. My father picked me up and deposited me outside the village, where the other children were being put, and ran off to try and stop the tanks.

I watched Daddy go, but I couldn't do anything about it. I never saw him again.

I waited all night for him to return, but he never did. My aunt came and sat next to me, and tried to tell me Daddy was in a better place now, but I refused to understand. I was only ten years old. I didn't deserve to lose my only remaining parent. I cried myself to sleep that night, terrified and lonely.

My little cousin Song, age eight, stayed with me all the time for the next year, and we became as close as sisters. She had arrived late at the camp; she was also in the forest, apparently gathering herbs, and her leg got burned when the tanks passed. She was an excellent healer, however, and knew exactly what to do to make me feel better at any given time. She and her mother were the ones that introduced me to the joys of tea, and even though our interests were so different, we remained great friends.

Through our time as refugees, we found ways to keep ourselves entertained, until finally Song and my aunt managed to find a house to rent. I felt completely in their debt for taking me in until finally I heard my aunt talking to the official who had come to collect the monthly payment.

"I have an extra mouth to feed," she said quietly. "Please. Come back in a week. I promise to have the money by then."

"See that you do." The official left and I couldn't sleep for almost the rest of the night. I was twelve by that time, and I didn't want to cause them any harm by staying. It was true that Song had a job as an apothecary's apprentice, but that barely paid anything and her mother's job as a cook didn't pay much either. I didn't even _have _a job, and I was two years older than my cousin.

I determined to run away. I had seen for myself how few jobs were available to people as young as I; it was only through relation that Song had managed to start herself on her way to becoming a great healer. I, meanwhile, had no skills but pretending to Earthbend, and that was completely useless.

That night, I packed my sparse possessions and headed on my way—after writing a brief note explaining what I was doing and why. I had wanted to see Ba Sing Se for a long time now, having heard it was the largest city in the world, and country life was getting a little old. I would much prefer the busy life of a girl in the city. But of course, a child of twelve can't really think things through. I had nowhere to go, and that only occurred to me when I was already on my way.

It took me a very long time to reach Ba Sing Se, living off whatever compassionate passersby would grant me, and even longer to find a place to live. I stayed on the streets till I was more than thirteen years old, barely getting by. Fortunately, I was able to find a fairly secluded and clean place to stay, or else I'd have ended up filthy and no one would have taken me.

A kind old lady found me sleeping there one day and wordlessly took me in. She couldn't speak for some reason, but she was very good to me. In exchange, I vowed to learn how to cook and clean so she wouldn't have to do it, and I worked as a kind of maid for her in exchange for a place to stay. At least, that's how I saw it. I'm sure she would have kept me even if I had just lain around all day.

But when I was almost fifteen, she came down with a horrible illness, and I couldn't do anything. I wished for Song, but she was many miles away; I had no skills myself, so I was a lousy substitute; and there was no way we could afford a halfway decent doctor. We weren't rich or even middle-class.

She had already written her will, apparently, when she passed. They gave it to me to read, and it said that I had inherited her house, which made me extremely relieved. So she _wasn't _just keeping me for a maid. I smiled a little but cried as well. She had been like a grandmother to me, and now I was on my own again.

I lived alone, working odd jobs, until I was almost sixteen years old. Then, I had the fortune to discover the Pao Family Tea House. Two new workers had just been employed there, and I was excited to discover who they were. Maybe they were lost souls, too.

One of them was the kindliest old man I had ever met, maybe sixty-five or so. The other one might have been his grandson, but I heard him called 'Uncle'. _Hmm. So one's the uncle and the other's the nephew._

The boy looked to be a little older than me. He had a burn scar on the upper-left part of his face, and his eyes were a beautiful golden color that made me stare. He seemed cold and closed-off, which immediately intrigued me, and I wondered what had happened to him. He had to have gotten that scar from a powerful Firebender, so of course I trusted him. _He can't be a spy from the Fire Nation if he's been hurt by fire._

After about two weeks of drinking the best tea ever, I finally worked up the courage to ask him out. His name was Lee, and my heart was pounding through the entire conversation, but I tried not to show it. When I finally did ask, it was his uncle that said he'd go, not Lee himself.

But I wasn't about to ruin things by verifying it with Lee.

Our date was quick and awkward. I could tell he had never really been on a date before; he had no idea how to compliment girls, and he dodged all my questions directed at his personal life. It didn't really matter to me, though. Anyone can have their secrets. I wasn't about to spill everything that had happened to me in my life, after all.

Then, I brought him to my favorite place in Ba Sing Se: the Firelight Fountain. But the lanterns weren't lit, and I felt my disappointment rising as quickly as if I had been shot down already. He told me to shut my eyes, and of course I obliged; when I opened them, the lamps were all lit. I frowned. _How did he do that?_

He had to have been a Firebender to light them all so quickly, but why would a Firebender have a burn mark—and why would the serve tea in the Earth Kingdom? I immediately dismissed my thought as stupid, and resolved to kiss him.

Offering me a coupon, he deflected my easily detected desire to kiss him. But I was determined, so I told him to close his eyes. That way, he couldn't run away. I kissed him, very lightly, offering him the lips that had never kissed anyone like that before. He kissed me back, but then, he jumped back and started off like I had burned him.

"What's wrong?"

"It's complicated. I have to go."

My heart felt like it had stopped and shattered as I stood there. I wasn't one for crying, since I had seen much worse; I didn't even know why I had taken such a liking to this Lee guy. There were plenty of other fish in the sea, right? So why was I so attached to him?

I stopped coming to the tea house. Tea would have no taste if it were served by someone who spurned my advances so bluntly. If he had told me he were otherwise obliged, or even that he didn't like me like that, I would have bowed my head and accepted it, but I let the resentment I felt at the lack of explanation simmer until I almost hated Lee. Almost.

But I couldn't get his little smirk out of my head. The tiny smile he offered me when he saw how happy he had made me by lighting the lamps. I tried my best to dislike Lee, but I just couldn't. I was more furious and sorrowful and confused than I had ever been in my entire life, and that's saying something.

I don't know why I couldn't get him out of my head. Even after I heard that Lee and his uncle were gone from the tea house, so there was no chance of encountering either one by accident, I still found it impossible to forget. For some reason I could never explain, Lee would take the image of the ideal guy, and no one else could ever live up to that impossible expectation.

It didn't help that I found him again, with some other girl. They didn't look like they were a pair, but one could never be too careful. I acted as though nothing was wrong, and I think I did a damn good job, but in truth, I was more than happy to throw the icicle so close to his head. Of course, he ducked, but still—maybe that would teach him that my heart was not to be fooled with.

When the Fire Nation conquered Ba Sing Se, I was stunned. I never thought they'd be able to hurt me in the city. They had completely mown down the entire neighborhood in which I resided, so I resigned myself to living on the streets again. It was even harder than before, what with the Fire Nation dogs jerking around all those left homeless by their attack, but I made do.

Finally, the War was over, and I continued my weary existence—but when I saw the official art of the new Fire Lord, I gasped. It was Lee! The same Lee I had gone on a date with, the one that had served me tea every day for the duration of my time there. And I felt even more betrayed at first, knowing he had been of the Fire Nation the whole time, but I took heart in that he had done the right thing in the end and assisted the Avatar.

On my seventeenth birthday, Lee's—I mean, _Zuko's _uncle came to see me. I was living in the same place I had lived when I was thirteen, so at least I looked almost presentable when he found me, but I still wished I had a home and a job. I had to have been a complete mess in his eyes.

"Jin," he said, in his friendly way. "I would like for you to come and work for me in the Jasmine Dragon." I blinked at him. _I need a job, but I'm not exactly waitress material… _My clothes were scruffy and my spirit dulled. He had to have been able to see that.

"I…" I began, but he shook his head at me to silence me, and of course I obeyed. He was the Fire Lord's uncle. I wasn't going to disrespect him by refusing to work in his tea shop.

"No objections. I will give you a small house." He offered his hand and I hesitantly took it; he pulled me up and guided me gently, in an almost fatherly way, towards his carriage, and I could do nothing but go along. I had no possessions to pack, and I didn't look back as I rode towards my new life.

Being a waitress in the Jasmine Dragon could only be described as fun. Serving all the customers, all of whom were friendly, and working for someone as benevolent as Iroh (he insisted I call him Iroh, not Boss or anything else) was a pleasure. He frequently complained about his nephew never coming to see him, and I could never tell if I were disappointed or relieved that Zuko never came to Ba Sing Se to see his uncle.

I still wait here, wondering what life would be like if he ever returned.

**((Finished at a ridiculously late hour, meaning eleven but running on six hours of sleep, if that. I've always liked Jin for some reason, and I always suspected there was something more to her life than just being a regular at the Pao Family Tea House…))**


	4. Katara: Enough

My story is complex enough that I don't know where to begin.

I could start with my childhood and explain how it felt being the only girl even close to my age. I could start with the time I first fell in love—with Aang. I could start with my present situation as a twenty-three-year-old mother of two with a third on the way and work backwards from there. I honestly don't know.

I guess I'll begin when I found Aang. I was just your standard, untrained, fourteen-year-old Waterbender girl from the Southern Water Tribe, widely considered savages (evidently). My brother was the biggest asshole I'd ever met, but he was also the only family I had ever since the Fire Nation stole our mother. Hakoda didn't count, since he set off when I was twelve. He was so preoccupied with the loss of his wife that he didn't have a lot of time for us, however much time he tried to make.

Despite the fact that Sokka was older than me, I did my best to care for him like a mother would. I overheard him, much later, telling Toph that he barely remembered our mother—it was me that filled that role for him, and it was my face he imagined whenever he'd think of her. I was flattered, but also annoyed. I had done my job too well.

Everything changed when I discovered Aang frozen in a block of ice. I could tell it would change even before Appa made an appearance. There was something definitely special about him, and it wasn't until we found out he was the Avatar that it all made sense.

The kid was a little bit annoying because of his persistence, but he was also loyal and peaceful. He always loved having fun—the first thing he did was ask me to go penguin-seal-sledding with me. I remember his shock at discovering how long he had been frozen, and his sorrow at finding out what had become of the world he used to play in. I've had to calm him out of the Avatar state more times than I care to count.

Over the course of our adventures, I got more and more attached to him. I'd never known what _true _love felt like before I met Aang, except for the rough love Hakoda gave us and the fading memory of Kya's caring gentleness and a few brief infatuations along our journey. Aang and I had our first kiss in the Cave of Two Lovers, fittingly enough, but that didn't count; our lips barely contacted and I didn't want things to progress too far anyway. As I've tried to explain to Aang before, there was a war on, and I was more focused on making sure the world didn't end than developing a budding romance.

Oh, you want to know about Zuko? I'll tell you about Zuko. I hated him more than any other member of our group. I apologized, even felt sorry for him, in the crystal catacombs of the city beneath Ba Sing Se. He'd lost his mother too, after all. I almost used that spirit-oasis water on his scar.

To think I was stupid enough to have tried to do that! It was lucky Aang had interrupted us, or else I would have wasted it on something that wasn't nearly as important as ensuring the Avatar's safety.

When he finally joined our group, I was the least willing to trust him. He had already betrayed what he apparently knew to be right once. Who said he wouldn't do it again? I warned him. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he gave me a single reason to think he would harm Aang, I'd kill him. I'd wipe the nonexistent smirk off that stoic's face forever. I was that overzealous because I was defending the Avatar, it's true—but it was really more because he was my friend and possible love interest. I still don't know if you could say I really discovered my true feelings towards him until he ended the War and we were having tea in the Jasmine Dragon.

I knew he had a crush on me—Zuko, I mean, not Aang. Aang's feelings are read like an open book. Zuko's are much more shrouded in shadows, but they were still clear enough to me. The little things he did, not the big ones, were what revealed it to me. I'd catch him watching me and he'd look away as soon as eye contact was made; he made special care to look after me in the event of a battle; he cared more about what I thought of him than everyone else combined.

The play on Ember Island made things no easier. We scooted away from each other as fast as we could when actress-Katara confessed her attraction to actor-Zuko. I saw the hunger in his movements after we moved apart. It's hard to explain, but I knew he liked me in a way I was not prepared to be liked.

So I did the only thing I could: I ignored it. I went right back to my defensiveness of Aang after the Avatar and I started going steady and Zuko started turning into his father. He refused to listen, like in the old days, and he even grasped my wrists to prevent me from Bending. It's offensive in a way I can't describe to be contacted by someone you know once liked you, but you're not sure if they do anymore. You're not sure whether to react with horror or resignation. Or, in my case, fury.

Aang even entered the Avatar state for my sake; this is why I chose him. He is so noble that he will protect my honor even if it isn't truly threatened, and sweet enough that he calmed down just for me. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing. The Avatar is the one for me.

But through my adventures with him, I shudder to think of all the times I was led astray. I liked Haru at first, and I guess he could have liked me, but I never bothered to find out since he was so much more sentimental than Aang—and that's saying something. I suppose it was because Aang was focused on the _doing _and Haru on the _feeling._

And then Jet. Don't even get me started on Jet. He was the first one that betrayed me and suffered my wrath for doing so. He fooled me into thinking that he was misunderstood and wronged, and turned right around by misunderstanding and wronging others. When I think back to when he claimed to have changed, I notice an alarming number of parallels between his and Zuko's pleas. _I've changed, Katara. Katara, listen to me. You know I have good in me._

But when he died, I wept all the same. Even my healing couldn't save him, just when I thought he might recover and learn what it truly is to love. He and I might have even ended up together if Long Feng hadn't intervened and murdered him. He was too young to die. Only a year older than I was at the time: fifteen.

Now, Aang and I are happy together, and Jet and Haru are mere memories. Haru is pleased with Ty Lee, and Aang actually married them. Come to think of it, he performed all the ceremonies of everyone we know, for the most part: Sokka and Toph first, then Haru and Ty Lee. We've gone to many weddings besides that: Zuko and Mai (though they seemed even more gloomy than usual for reasons I'll never know nor ask), Iroh and Wu (they were adorable together!), and even Chan and Azula (the latter lost her memories, so she was no longer a threat—but I can't tell you how nervous everyone was at her wedding that she'd burn everyone to a crisp and declare herself Phoenix Queen or something).

Love makes the world go round, and Aang and I are just part of that grand scheme. Our children, two-year-old Kya and one-year-old Bumi, keep our lives interesting and fun; Aang couldn't be a better father to them or a better husband to me. Even at the age of twenty-three, I am perfectly content. If I were to die just after the birth of my third child, what little I've lived will have been enough.

**((All right! If I continue this, it won't be for awhile, but at least now I have all the things I said I'd include for sure. Sorry for the long, long wait!))**


End file.
